At 60 years old I find myself embracing change, welcoming it, embodying it, and relishing every shimmering, glimmering, glorious, glittery, mystical, magical, and mysterious moment of it! Awww…BOOM! This is what joy feels like, this is when happiness blossoms within us, sneaking in silently thru our dreams in the middle of the night and surprising us unexpectedly out of left field! It’s like waking up to the fragrance of a beautiful flower that has bloomed overnight. Jasmine…it was jasmine, night jasmine, in the middle of the day where there was no jasmine seen growing.
I’ve been waiting for this all my life! The freedom, the joy, the happiness, the love, and the peace! I had finally remembered what I had forgotten how to feel…it was a lightning striking moment and time stood still for just that one moment and let me experience it all! Some may call me crazy, so let them I say because we must experience it to understand it, grow from it, flow with it, and let the light within radiate out of it!
Stepping into the next stage of my souls journey at 60 years old has been exciting, exhilarating, enlightening and FREEING! I find myself embracing change, welcoming it, embodying it, and relishing every shimmering, glimmering, glorious, glittery, mystical, magical, and mysterious moment of it! But it didn’t always feel this way…! You must totally surrender 100% of everything to Spirit! You must trust and allow the process of integration to take place without questioning it!
When you truly let go and let God without any preconceived expectations things just all of a sudden start flow again…flow like the cool waters down this beautiful spiritual healing mountain and thru my back yard, where I am mesmerized by it’s presence daily and it constantly reminds me to stay in flow and sparkle like the sun and the moon reflecting on the water in the ravine below my backyard balcony. This mountain, Bell’s Mountain, comes with a legend that it carries wisdom and heals the soul. I didn’t know that when I was called to come here for personal reasons, but I do believe it because I have experienced it. Bell’s Mountain has also taught me that there will always be a higher mountain to climb as humans yearn to climb higher and higher to gain a “better or clearer” perspective. The natives that lived here before, and their ancestors that still do, believed that the higher they climbed, the closer their soul would be to Spirit and I can understand that feeling now as it resonates deeply within my soul. The whispers of the mountains are carried thru the winds along with the songs of birds. The Eagles fly higher, the air is cleaner, sight is clearer, clean water flows freely and a Great Spirit touches and lives within everyone who comes here. The sun rises gloriously and the moon shines brightly thru the valleys showing us that once again that wisdom comes within and it’s our connection with nature that guides us to walk with hand in hand with Spirit. When you sit and observe the animals, embrace the changing of the seasons and understand there are reasons beyond our human understanding for everything, you embody and fully connect with Mother Earth and she is our greatest teacher.
With age comes unexplainable wisdom and wisdom has shown me that there will always be a higher peak to climb, but perspective and introspective are seen, felt, and delivered thru trusting in one’s self, nature, and Spirit, not by seeking and climbing the highest peak only to get to the top and turn around and see yet a higher one! We must accept where we are from moment to moment and spend a bit of time in each space of understanding and allow grace to enter for our highest good and the good of all.
I have discovered a newfound sense of FREEDOM! My heart is wide open to give and receive love to all with a generous spirit. Yes, ALL! The good, the bad, and the ugly… If we truly are all connected, when we judge others we are also judging ourselves and Spirit has not only shown me that we are connected, its let me feel it, taste it, smell it, touch it, see it again, and share it. My mind is open to the infinite possibilities and I have found my PEACE! My eyes are wide open and my vision is clear, yet it still sees with child-like curiosity and my opened heart flows with love filling other hearts as well while carefully maintaining and balancing enough energy for myself.
My brain still feels 21, and my beautifully blessed aging body has taught me how to embrace aging with ancient wisdom and grace and I am grateful to be reminded of the beauty within each moment. This body has carried three babies and birthed 2 new souls into this timeline. It has carried the essence of my being throughout many years of trials. It also reminds me that I have now become aware that I am a Crone, a carrier of learned wisdom brought forth by many generations before me. I am humbled and honored by the very thought of it, but seriously…who would have ever thought I would be a crone, a carrier of wisdom and light, a spiritual warrior, a seer, a transformational artist, a writer, a teacher, a messenger of spirit, a broadcaster, a protector, a presence, and a gifted healer?!
During a severe illness God/Spirit took me beyond the earthly plain, I felt my soul float out of my body to an indescribable place where I experienced such complete and utter love, peace, a pain-free place of understanding like never before, I saw my father and he said “it’s not your time yet kid” and then I woke up back in my human skin in shock and I was totally pissed! How dare Spirit do this to me?! How dare Spirit make me lose my daddy not once, but twice! The child within me mourned, yet again. I was unconsolable and spiraled into a deep depression. I asked over and over with no response from Spirit or my guides for months and months, I lost faith, I felt alone in a house full of people telling me to get my shit together. Finally the whispers came in the dark of the night, and I am reminded of the Ho’oponopono prayer and the Footprints in the Sand, Spirit never left me, I lost faith in Spirit! You must experience the pain of healing in order to understand and heal others with an open loving, compassionate, and judgement free heart. The student becomes the teacher and the teacher becomes the student, there is always, always an energy exchange and a healing taking place whether you’re aware of it or not!
I’ve always said we weren’t born with a handbook or manual, so if we’re truly broken, or feel broken, we don’t always know how to “fix” or “repair” ourselves, or so I believed at one time. And are we ever really broken or do we just feel this way because we have become disconnected from the Spirit/God within ourselves? It’s easy to blame others for our own fuck-ups, owning our own mistakes is hard! It requires standing in front of the mirror really seeing, feeling, and experiencing the consequences of our own actions, while dragging along a few ancestors and their wounded baggage with us as well! That baggage gets heavy slowly over time until we can’t carry it any longer and feel completely broken, finding ourselves down on our knees and begging the Heavenly God above to divinely direct us or take us home…and what and where is home…?
I can’t write this any further and not think about Astrology, Numerology, Human Design, Tarot, Angels, Oracles, my channeling, my gift of sight, my Guides, God and Spirit, because these things have helped me to grow and expand beyond the endless veils and boundaries outside of what I thought were my safe, secure, comfortable places deep within my soul. I can feel the energy of each planet in almost every word written within this “story” I call my TRUTH. We are born with a blueprint, a map, a destiny and we are all given instructions! We just need to remember how to learn how to navigate, integrate, and learn the language!
I was supposed to be a lawyer, a teacher, marine biologist, an astronaut, or an Egyptian archaeologist! And yet, out of nowhere I have become a fucking spiritual Einstein! A Genius! Yes, that’s me! I’m owning it and wearing it proudly because God knows I DESERVE it, I earned it, paid for it in many ways, cried many days, and wore it like a pair of shackles barely able to walk, speak, or eat for many years! I detached from myself, my body, I was starving myself to death, I was ailing and failing me to the point of physical death, yet here I am whole and telling this almost unbelievable story of transformation.
I have now replaced my armor, my pain, at times my self-induced suffering, and my tragedy with my badge of honor, my crown, my magic wand, my fucking flowing sky blue chiffon Cinderella gown, and my gaudy sequined ruby red shoes! Whoever said Spirit doesn’t have a sense of humor hasn’t experienced growth, transformation, trauma, or been served their own plate of shit at least once and fully ingested it and digested it “wholely” in every way. How did I get here where I am now?…I got here with a lot of hard work, walking the shadows of darkness, many times not knowing in my knowing if I would come out of the shadows whole again. I had to have faith, trust, and unbelievable strength when I felt my most vulnerable and weak.
As I write this, Whitney Houston’s song “The Greatest Love” is playing in my head. Spirit often communicates with me thru music that inspires me and guides me and Spirit never lets me down! The only time I have been let down is when I didn’t show up for myself because I didn’t feel worthy of loving and trusting in myself enough, yet I gave every ounce of my energy away to others, leaving myself feeling drained, exhausted, resentful, and full of rage. Read that sentence again! The only time I have been let down is when I didn’t show up for myself because I didn’t feel worthy of loving and trusting in myself enough, yet I gave every ounce of my energy away to others, leaving myself feeling drained, exhausted, resentful, and full of rage!
I have now at 60 years old found the greatest love of all within myself, for myself, and now for others as well! I say this without pain, shame, guilt, anger, rage, or any other previously planted old programing or traumatic memories from the past. I can only see ahead, (as if all memories of the past have been erased,) into the light of the dawn of the next day, awaiting the sunrise each morning with anticipation, and wondering again with my inner child-like curiosity, what new amazing thing will present itself today?
To the untruthful, the cheaters, the narcissist, the bullies, the ones who looked down on me, stepped on me and over me, judged me, the gossipers, the envious, the jealous, the fakes, the users, and so on, and so ons…I send you LOVE and thank-you truly for the lickings, the lessons, the challenges, and the experiences along the way that lead me to this place of deep self-discovery, understanding, love, respect, and trust in myself, my God, the Angels, my Guides, the Universe, and Spirit. Now I’m being shown the Serenity Prayer and Arch Angel Chamuel! I had to stop and reseach it! Arch Angel Chamuel, “One who sees God”… A few weeks back in a lucid dream I met Jesus! Again, I reiterate, Spirit has one hell of a sense of humor! “One who sees God”, I translate that as one who sees and feel the love and light of the God within themselves and others without question and judgement, and with no attachment or expectation to the outcome.
As we journey through life, we often believe we have a solid understanding of who we are. Yet, just when we think we’ve grasped the essence of our souls being in a human body, Spirit has a remarkable way of surprising us yet again with twists and turns on winding roads of frequency timelines that intertwine within the collective energies. Are you spiraling yet? And are you spiraling up or down or has God/Spirit turned you upside down so we’re always spiraling up even when we don’t realize it?! We don’t expect these changes, especially as we reach significant milestones like turning 50, 60, 70, 80 and to the blessed souls, many more years, and so it is, and time goes on and on. Life doesn’t stop! It changes, but it never stops! It takes on a new frequency of energy, a new form, a new creation, or a new light, but it never stops because energy is always in motion!
At 60, many of us anticipate and expect to have achieved a sense of stability, safety, and security, a time when we can comfortably settle into the identities and personas we’ve creatively crafted, embodied, and implemented over the years based on our own unique beliefs, challenges, and experiences. We believe we’ve gathered enough wisdom thru experiences and challenges to know ourselves inside and out. However, Spirit has a subtle yet powerful way of reminding us that self-discovery, is an ongoing, ever learning, interactive dynamic and exciting, but not always a practical or precise process in the human minds ability to comprehend the workings of Spirit/God and The Universe.
It’s at this cross road in time and space when we assume we’ve unraveled the mysteries of our existence and that as life unveils new chapters, unexpected turns, and unexplored facets of our personalities we are prepared to face it all head on without fear. I have discovered that we still find ourselves diving into new passions and creating what we never even knew existed within our past immature version of ourselves. We continue redefining our priorities and confronting old truths and programs that we’ve thought were buried long ago, but beneath the endless layers of the onion we find its smell gets stronger as we get closer to the center of the core, and in the familiarity of the comfort in the discomfort, we once again dig deeper and find our buried treasures amongst the self built, but now crumbled walls of self perception of protection and self preservation that I refer to as “the band-aid effect”. Our old truths once again revisited and revised without compromising our new authentic truth, dimming our light, and embracing our ever changing evolution of soul growth, finding that our true treasures are never within our boundaries of comfort, but in the core of the essence of our hearts, because we are NO-thing without LOVE.
Perhaps it’s the release of setting ones-self free from certain responsibilities, the newfound freedom that comes with age, realizing our value does not come with any one label, or the wisdom gained from decades of living in survival mode that propels us forward to question, experiment, evolve, and strive to thrive while living in this experiment we call life. We realize that the journey of self-discovery is not confined to youth alone, it feels like a lifelong odyssey that continues to unfold infinitely, offering fresh revelations over and over, with new insights, signs, and synchronicities of wisdom that appear at every turn or crossroad. The journey changes because the navigator now has a map that has been seen, heard, and expressed thru our new found truth and we have learned the way to the self that embodies healing and discovery with gentle strength, renewed vision, and humbled vulnerability.
As we embrace these changes and rip off the “band-aid” on our bruised egos, we unearth dormant aspirations, nurture neglected dreams, and confront our fears with newfound wisdom, strength, resilience, faith, and courage. We discover resilience in the face of adversity, adaptability amidst uncertainty, and resilience in the face of adversity, adaptability amidst uncertainty, and the beauty of reinvention as we navigate the ever-shifting visions of our newly embodied lives where we have a new found respect in our “knowing” that our soul has become almost comfortable within its discomfort within human skin’s vessel.
The process of self-discovery at 60+ teaches us the profound art of self-acceptance, the ability to embrace our vulnerabilities, celebrate our strengths, embrace our human-ness, and acknowledge our perfect imperfections with grace and humility. We learn to cherish the journey, embracing the uncertainties, surprises, and challenges that enrich our spirit and deepen our understanding of ourselves. What a magical ride! (Now John Legend plays in my head! She’s my magical mystery ride! It’s been one hell of a ride indeed!)
Reaching the age of 60 signifies not just the passage of time, but a celebration of the human spirit’s boundless capacity for growth, understanding, transformation, and renewal. It’s a reminder that life is a tapestry of endless possibilities, waiting to be woven with the silver and gold threads of our passions, experiences, and aspirations both individually and collectively.
So, if life hasn’t surprised you, no matter what your age, I invite you to embark on a new chapter of self-discovery, to explore the deepest darkest depths of your human be-ingness, and to savor the exhilarating journey of becoming who you were always meant to be, because you, and only you, hold all of the answers deep within yourself already.
You need to set yourself free to be! I am free to be me and so are you, but you must allow and trust the process of integrated transformation of the ever shifting and changing of the self! You must find the comfort in the discomfort! The most remarkable discoveries often await us where and when we least expect them, in the untamed wildness of our own soul’s treasure chest. You never know when or where lightning will strike! Let it!
Remember you are loved, you are love, you came here as love, to give and receive love, and to radiate love…
And so it is…
Now BREATHE that all in as I invite you once again, to share how you have surprised yourself so far no matter what age you are!
~With infinite Love to all ~
~Namaste’~
~Robbin Caroll~